and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
