I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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