i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
