in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I could fuck to npr.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
