I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
