he puts the penis in happiness.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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