When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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