I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
