shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
