OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Jerry, you need to find god
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
