Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
