Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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