she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
