R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
