i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
