Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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