I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize