just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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