Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
