Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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