How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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