Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
