I just pynch a tree in the face
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
