Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
