I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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