this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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