My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
