if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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