also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
