Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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