i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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