I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
