btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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