There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
