I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
