Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
