Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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