Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
