god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
