I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
