i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
