First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
