my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
