just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
