I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
