Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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