Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
