Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
