Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
