Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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