just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
