you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
