Say something about gay babies.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
