I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
