It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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