Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
