I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
