I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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