yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
