have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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