do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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