Just took my morning after pill in the library
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
