thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
