the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize