You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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