Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
