Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
