FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
