i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
