After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
