i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
