Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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