my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
