Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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